The Real Bub

The idea was inspired by George Romero’s “Day of the Dead”, where an underground team of scientists were able to take zombies and teach them how to be ‘human’ again.

In the film, the patient’s name was Bub and he showed the most promise that humans infected with the Zombie Virus were not completely lost.  This conjured a debate that has never been settled: Are Zombies worth saving?

I’m here to tell you, they just might be.

In a lab not far from the American/Mexican Border, a small group of scientists, two guys to be exact, have taken one Zombie and conducted a series of tests to see if “all hope is lost once a human is infected.”

Bub started out ravenous and wild, like most zombies.  The scientists did what they could to calm him.  They used sedatives, tranquilizers, even fed Bub a few cats to see if that would calm his rage, but nothing seemed to work.

It was looking pretty grim for this small team and Bub was going to be put out of his misery if progress continued to decline.

Then, a light of hope came.  One of the scientists read my blog post; “How Marijuana Saved This Zombie” and became inspired.  They began feeding Bub large amounts of Cannabis and saw a dramatic change.
Bub was approachable, calm and, above all, safe.  The scientists began running a series of tests to see how much Bub could learn.

I’m happy to say that Bub is excelling and is now learning how to use an everyday, household computer.  Currently, his “extra electrical brain activity” make him great at clicking a mouse, due to the nerves constantly twitching in his fingers.

Bub recently learned how to play the game Solitaire and has even been able to beat his own score, which was around 15 at the time.

With this discovery, scientists may be one step closer in finding a cure for the Zombie Virus, or just a way to get us to quit eating people.  Until more news surfaces, I’ll be here to report the truth.

 

(Me and Bub on walk, just outside the lab.  He couldn't wait to get to McDonald's. )

-HSZ

Darabont's "Walking Dead" Curves Comic

As you know, I am one that believes in sticking by the book.  Frank Darabont's television version of "The Walking Dead" has been a phenomenal success and has done just that. 

Cast and Crew were quoted as using the graphic novel as a storyboard, taking stills from the book.  The sets and characters looked like they jumped straight off the page and the first episode of the series was dead on.



But Darabont took a different turn in episode 2, and added new characters, with some original ones, and situations that were not revealed until later in the comic book series.

Why this new turn for loyal readers?

Some believe that he’s just doing this so we can sacrifice a few folks for the good of the story and bigger characters.  I’m sure watching Glenn and Rick just run past a buncha “walkers” isn’t as exciting as watching a racist be chained to a roof, left for dead.

Due to the intensity and fine acting and directing, I’m riding the ride that Darabont is taking us on.  He may be adding things along the way, but, so far, the story stays true.

-HSZ

California’s Prop 19 Stumped by Zombies

Earlier this year, Gov. Schwarzenegger put into initiative SB1449 that placed marijuana offenses to a civil infraction rather than a criminal misdemeanor, but it did nothing to help the passing of Prop 19.

Prop 19, which would legalize marijuana in the great state of California, was not passed by 614,316 votes, according to www.Ballotpedia.org.

What most reports won’t tell you is that those 614.316 votes were made by zombies.

Now, it’s nothing new to have the dead as registered voters.  Many states have fallen victim to some Shady Politician’s scheme; cases in Kansas, Missouri and other such states have been noted.

Most of the time, the Shady Politician would use the dead person’s name, then vote for them by mail or online.

This time, they got even craftier and used members of the UnDead to go into voter’s booth and cast the votes for them.  Here’s a group they gathered from Bakersfield, CA.
 

Yes, that is ME in the picture.  They told us all that they were leading us to piles of free KFC.  Hey, I was in Cali. I was high.

They gathered hordes of Zombies from all across the state and shoved them into voting booths to make sure Prop 19 didn’t pass.

What really surprised me though was not the Shady Politicians, but the Shady California Pot Growers.

According to David Von Drehle’s article in TIME magazine, California Pot Growers helped fund the campaign to get Prop. 19 denied.

Hey, they’re making billions of dollars, why screw that up?

It appears that greed is the true source for this “Zombie Mistreatment” and California must now find a new way to get out of the horrid situation they are in.

Nice try, Arnold, but it looks like you’re going to need to get some of the Rich Shady People on your side next time.

And there will be a next time.


-HSZ

The Desperate Housewives of OrangeCounty/NewYorkCity/NewJersey/DC/Atlanta/ButtFuckMontana ARE ALL ZOMBIES!

After examining hours of footage, by force, I have come to the conclusion that ALL the "Desperate Housewives" are infected with the zombie virus.

I had only suspicions at first when I was presented with the women that make up the different shows in the series.  Some of the wives are far more along with their infection, showing more obvious signs.  I obtained a few photos as proof that these wives are carrying the Zombie Virus.

I believe this one is named "Danielle" and as you can see she clearly is suffering from the virus.  Her nose and lips have begun to undergo the initial stage of decay, swelling and parts of the body appear disfigured, soon she will attract insects as her intestines start to eat themselves.

If this one isn't a decaying corpse, I don't know what is, and I'M A DECAYING CORPSE.

Her body is clearly eating away at itself while her skull and skeletal structure are living proof that she is suffering from the Zombie Virus.  As her lips become thinner, her teeth will begin to stick out further as she will grow hungry for human flesh.

This Housewife, "Ramona" is showing more of the aggressive side of the virus.  Her eyes tend to pop out of her head when she becomes angry, flaring her nostrils and exposing her teeth.  "Ramona's" anger episodes will only grow worse as her skin begins to deteriorate off her face.

This picture speaks for itself. She has also come out with a musical "song" that sounded similar to monstrous screeching.


So, as more proof surfaces I'll be here to lay out the truth.  People can only watch and wait as, soon, all the Housewives will grow rabid and eat each other.


-HSZ

The Walking Dead on AMC is Awesome

Friends, I have been privileged with getting a special screening of the new TV show on AMC, "The Walking Dead" and I'm here to tell you, it's AWESOME.

I first read about this years ago, and wasn't sure if Frank Darabont was going to be able to get the series made.  But, thanks to success of zombie movies, books and comics; The Walking Dead has risen.

Many of you folks may not be comic book readers and may not know that "The Walking Dead" was a praised, black and white comic book, created by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore.  The story details a small town sheriff that awakes from a coma only to find that the world has been overtaken by zombies.

Being a fan of the comic, I had high expectations for this series.  We all know how Hollywood can screw up a good story, just look at "Ghost Rider", but Frank Darabont is known for sticking to the story.  He fought with studios while making "The Mist" so he could keep the "not-so-happy" ending. 

I'm here to tell you that all those worries can be put aside.  Frank has brought "The Walking Dead" to life and, while there are a few story tweaks here and there, matches the original comic and really brings forth all the raw emotion, played well by Andrew Lincoln who portrays the small town sheriff, Rick Grimes.

So, to all my zombie friends out there, you're in for a treat on Halloween.  Sit down, tune in and get ready, cuz "The Walking Dead" will hold you in your seat.

-HSZ

Vampires VS Zombies VS Werewolves: The Debate Finally Settled

For years, I have heard countless debates about who would win in a battle between Vampires, Zombies and Werewolves.  The FVZA actually has information pertaining to this topic, but not clear on who the victor would be.

I recently got together with a few friends to have a "gathering of the minds" and finally put to rest who would win in this epic, yet fictional, war.

After reviewing countless films, comics and other such evidence, it has been decided that VAMPIRES would become victorious.

Before you click off the page, let me explain.

Being a zombie I, of course, sided with my zombie bretheren that they would ultimately win because they could infect the Vampire and Werewolf food supply.  Unfortunately, this plan would only prove supreme if zombies INFECTED EVERY LIVING CREATURE ON THE PLANET.  I'm talking EVERYTHING; humans, animals, reptiles, fish, etc.  The list goes on.

Now, any zombie plague moves rather rapidly, but humans still survive during this apocolaypse, thus supplying food for Vampires and Werewolves.  And if Vampires and Werewolves had gotten with today's technology they could easily clone blood, or other animals, and use that to feed on for centuries.

Zombies are not as quick as their Undead Vampire counterparts, thus being unable to fully beat the vampire race.  Think about it.  If 1 human can take out anywhere from 5-100 zombies, and vampires can kill up to 20 or more armed humans at one time, the Vampire holds a clear advantage over the Zombie.

What about the Werewolves? 

Well, Werewolves are strong, quick, immortal beasts that have been feuding with the vampires for ages, but Vampires have always come out on top.  The Vampire's main advantage over the Werewolf is their control and calculated thinking, which does seem to disappear from the Werewolf who uses more animal-like strengths to aid him in battle.

With a full functioning brain, Vampires could take over the Werewolves.

I hate taking sides and I usually don't, I still believe that the zombie race could still prove the victor, but until we start becoming more educated, the Vampires have one over on us.

-HSZ

Dr. Laura Carries Zombie Virus

As you may have heard, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the radio host of the Dr. Laura Show, went on the air and said "the N word" multiple times, trying to prove a point.

The point, whatever it was, stabbed Dr. Laura in the ass, causing her to loose her radio show. 

Many have asked several questions during this recent uproar, but it is obvious that Dr. Laura said "the N word" because she WANTED to loose her job due to her decaying condition that is caused by the Zombie Virus.

After the ordeal with Michael Richards at the comedy club, The Laugh Factory, it was very apparent that not a single white person could say "the N word" and not receive severe repercussions for it.  Radio and TV hosts were loosing their jobs if they made any racist remarks.

So why would Dr. Laura go on a rant that she knew would end her career?

It was so she could end her life in the spotlight for she could no longer cover up the fact that she was a walking corpse.

I'm sure you think Dr. Laura looks like this:

  

Seems nice for her age doesn't she? Did you know her age was 312?  This is the same pose, but without her "face":

She insisted on wearing the wig.

It is safe to say that the world will be a little bit better without Dr. Laura on the air, but if she has nothing to do a lot more chubby babies* are going to come up missing.

*It is scientifically noted that Dr. Laura loves to eat little, chubby babies.

-HSZ