Kevin Smith uses Zombie Virus for Weight Loss

Zombies in Hollywood are nothing new.  We all know how much these attention-craving stars will do anything to keep their young looks about them.  Plastic surgery may appear to be the answer, but just take a look at some of the folks that have chosen to go under the knife:



Not a pretty picture in the long haul, so it would come as no surprise that celebrities are using any method they can get their hands on to keep their young sex appeal.  Some speculate that some of these famous folks have done everything from wacky diets to signing deals with the Devil.

I, however, know of a more realistic form that many of these Stars are diving into and that is a concentrated strain of the Zombie Virus.

The latest victim in this "Keep me Young" horde was the notable film directorKevin Smith.
It's no secret that Hollywood has been using strains of the Zombie Virus for some time.  Only the Hollywood elite were allowed to  partake in this, such asLarry King and his wife, as seen below:



You can't look at them and tell me with a straight face that they are not zombies.

Kevin Smith currently came on the radar after he was refused to board a Southwest flight because he was "too fat to fly."  This brought an uproar from the "Clerks" director and sent him into a depressive state that would kill any rational human being.

Recently, Smith reported that he had lost 65lbs in an effort to become more healthy.  What Smith didn't report was that his weight loss was mainly contributed to the Zombie Virus.

Taking regular injections with controlled medication, Marijuana, Smith has been able to pull off the farce that he lost the weight due a "healthier lifestyle".  We all know that once a Chunk, always a Chunk and old habits don't die that quickly.

Kevin Smith's Zombie-state will only increase and grow worse, being unable to do any public appearances and preventing him from directing any more films.

Had we all wished that Smith would have lost weight the correct way with proper diet and exercise, Hollywood doesn't wait and neither could he.

When the Zombie Apocalypse comes Smith will definitely do what he does best, pig out on the entrails of Ben Affleck.


-HSZ

A quick thought about TIME

TIME magazine recently published an article by Andrew Ferguson, about marijuana legalization in the US.  It mainly focused on the state of Colorado, interviewing shop owners, doctors and patients, and how legalizing marijuana in the US is no easy task.

It debated about health issues, some say it causes cancer while others say it fights it, but what I found interesting was that the article had nothing on how marijuana can benefit zombies.

I know that they’re working on humans and all that jazz, but if people saw how marijuana could save you from eating your best friend they would immediately demand funding.

I’ve heard countless cries about legalization and how Obama hasn’t held his promise to do so. (He’s a politician. Politicians lie.) But any pot smoker knows that legalization doesn’t happen overnight and Uncle Sam has a lot of fiction in his head about good old Mary Jane.  I call it, “The Refer Madness State of Mind”.

The good people are fed lies daily and, unfortunately, back in those days you believed everything you heard.
 
If it was on the TV it was true and that’s all people needed.  Remember,  how healthy cigarettes were? If some guy in a white coat told you that smoking marijuana would turn you into a monster, raping and killing for weed, you’d believe it just because it was on TV.

Other people think of drug users as addicts, plain and simple, all grouped together and nothing will change their mind.

There are a couple of generations that will have to be hit over the head, and even then, you still might not get anywhere.  You can beat someone with the truth till their brains spill out and they still won’t listen.

So while some states legalize it for medical purposes, and financial, other states are demeaning the practice by keeping it illegal, Texas went even so far as to try and outlaw bongs, but Texas has always done things “The Texas Way”.

I am certain that full federal legalization of marijuana will be seen in my lifetime, and being a zombie that could be hundreds to thousands of years, but, until then, people who aren’t smoking marijuana will forever live in fear of being infected by The Zombie Virus.

-HSZ

The Real Bub

The idea was inspired by George Romero’s “Day of the Dead”, where an underground team of scientists were able to take zombies and teach them how to be ‘human’ again.

In the film, the patient’s name was Bub and he showed the most promise that humans infected with the Zombie Virus were not completely lost.  This conjured a debate that has never been settled: Are Zombies worth saving?

I’m here to tell you, they just might be.

In a lab not far from the American/Mexican Border, a small group of scientists, two guys to be exact, have taken one Zombie and conducted a series of tests to see if “all hope is lost once a human is infected.”

Bub started out ravenous and wild, like most zombies.  The scientists did what they could to calm him.  They used sedatives, tranquilizers, even fed Bub a few cats to see if that would calm his rage, but nothing seemed to work.

It was looking pretty grim for this small team and Bub was going to be put out of his misery if progress continued to decline.

Then, a light of hope came.  One of the scientists read my blog post; “How Marijuana Saved This Zombie” and became inspired.  They began feeding Bub large amounts of Cannabis and saw a dramatic change.
Bub was approachable, calm and, above all, safe.  The scientists began running a series of tests to see how much Bub could learn.

I’m happy to say that Bub is excelling and is now learning how to use an everyday, household computer.  Currently, his “extra electrical brain activity” make him great at clicking a mouse, due to the nerves constantly twitching in his fingers.

Bub recently learned how to play the game Solitaire and has even been able to beat his own score, which was around 15 at the time.

With this discovery, scientists may be one step closer in finding a cure for the Zombie Virus, or just a way to get us to quit eating people.  Until more news surfaces, I’ll be here to report the truth.

 

(Me and Bub on walk, just outside the lab.  He couldn't wait to get to McDonald's. )

-HSZ