A quick thought about TIME

TIME magazine recently published an article by Andrew Ferguson, about marijuana legalization in the US.  It mainly focused on the state of Colorado, interviewing shop owners, doctors and patients, and how legalizing marijuana in the US is no easy task.

It debated about health issues, some say it causes cancer while others say it fights it, but what I found interesting was that the article had nothing on how marijuana can benefit zombies.

I know that they’re working on humans and all that jazz, but if people saw how marijuana could save you from eating your best friend they would immediately demand funding.

I’ve heard countless cries about legalization and how Obama hasn’t held his promise to do so. (He’s a politician. Politicians lie.) But any pot smoker knows that legalization doesn’t happen overnight and Uncle Sam has a lot of fiction in his head about good old Mary Jane.  I call it, “The Refer Madness State of Mind”.

The good people are fed lies daily and, unfortunately, back in those days you believed everything you heard.
 
If it was on the TV it was true and that’s all people needed.  Remember,  how healthy cigarettes were? If some guy in a white coat told you that smoking marijuana would turn you into a monster, raping and killing for weed, you’d believe it just because it was on TV.

Other people think of drug users as addicts, plain and simple, all grouped together and nothing will change their mind.

There are a couple of generations that will have to be hit over the head, and even then, you still might not get anywhere.  You can beat someone with the truth till their brains spill out and they still won’t listen.

So while some states legalize it for medical purposes, and financial, other states are demeaning the practice by keeping it illegal, Texas went even so far as to try and outlaw bongs, but Texas has always done things “The Texas Way”.

I am certain that full federal legalization of marijuana will be seen in my lifetime, and being a zombie that could be hundreds to thousands of years, but, until then, people who aren’t smoking marijuana will forever live in fear of being infected by The Zombie Virus.

-HSZ

S. Korea has Zombies

North and South Korea are at it again. (not that they ever quit)

Earlier this month N. Korea lead a military attack on a small island in S. Korea because it was "part of the reclusive country's ongoing efforts to use its military might and nuclear program to squeeze diplomatic and economic concessions out of Seoul and Washington," according to a report in the National Journal by Yochi J. Dreazen.

But we all know that's just another pack of lies their trying to force feed us.

N. Korea attacked the small S. Korean island of Yeonpyeong because S.Korea was using the island to breed zombies.

N. Korea has been in the news a lot lately.  Mainly due to their nuclear weapons processing and this guy:

S. Korea didn't have many options, what with their northern brothers busting out the nuclear bombs like they were sugar cakes.  So good old Uncle Sam lent a sneaky hand, since a good number of soldiers are living in S. Korea, and gave the good people of S. Korea an advantage, The Zombie Virus.

S. Korea immediately began testing the virus on random citizens, or "volunteers" as they like to call them, and started producing a small army that would attack the North and viciously reduce the enemy to nothing but a horde of greedy, undead monsters.

Zombies are nothing new to the friends of the Far East.  Historical documentation puts zombies in the Philippines and Korea is just a hop, skip, and a  jump away from there.  However, back in those days zombies were seen as nothing but a terminal threat that had to be eliminated.

Now, zombies are used for everything from slave labor to household pets.

I was able to get a quick pic from the island before it was attacked by N. Korea.  Here was the snapshot from a video surveillance camera before it was destroyed by the blast.

Imagine this frightful bunch at your doorstep on Halloween and I got news for ya', they don't want candy.
While the North and South duke it out with "military weapons", we all know that one day the entire area will become a breeding ground for the undead. 

To those of you planning any vacations this year, and don't want to become a zombie, I'd recommend Las Vegas over the Far East.  At least in Vegas, zombies are fed well and trained to just sit at nickel slots and bitch about the drink lady that never comes back.


-HSZ

Why I don't post more often...

I'd like to take this moment to thank you, the readers, for your comments and support for my little blog.

One of the most common questions I get asked, other than what theme I'm using, which is Vigilance by The Theme Foundry,  is;  "Why don't you post more often?"

Well, being a walking corpse has it's disadvantages.

For one, my thumbs keep breaking off after I hit the space bar too many times.

Do you know how hard it is to sew on a thumb when you've got NO thumbs?  It's not easy, my friends.  Not easy at all.

Which brings me to another disadvantage of being a zombie, no one will give me health insurance.   I've been denied by every insurance company you can imagine, due to my "pre-existing condition".    Uncle Blue Shield just laughs at me when I fill out an application.

Plus, I received some good news just last month.  I was called by a small production company in LA to write a spec script for a new horror film their working on.  They love my writing and asked if I could take their idea and turn it into a full feature script.

I immediately took the job, forgetting that I was working on my own project of getting my book published.  I'll post more about that in a later blog.

So you can imagine why I am not able to give you more zombies news everyday, because, believe me, I would.  However, I have to pay the bills and this little blog doesn't give me any financial means.  I had to take a job as an "Alcohol Dealer", some call it a bartender, so I could keep the lights on and afford my medicine.

I thank you all, again, for taking the time to read my posts and if you keep reading them, I'll keep writing them.  And thatz a Zombie Promise you can take to the bank!


(Zombie Promises have no actual monetary value)


-HSZ

Me and John Carpenter

The year was 1996 and I was making my way through New Mexico when I happened to stumble across a film crew shooting a film called, "Vampires".

I had met with one of the grips who asked me to watch the Buffet table while he went and grabbed, and I'm quoting here, "a pancake and a butt-plug."  I believe them to be grip references that I know nothing about.  However, it did make me wonder what kind of movie these folks were shooting.

As I sat, guarding the donuts and fruit display, I saw James Woods tied to a cross with a group of Vampires gathering around him.  The "Head Vampire" lured closer when, suddenly, a loud scream shouted, "CUT!"

It was John Carpenter.

He directed the "Head Vampire", who I now know to be Michael Ian Griffith, to attack James a certain way, while trying to grab some fancy cross that was put up next to James.

As the crew broke for ten minutes to set up the next shot, John came over to the table for a donut.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked, looking me up and down. "I'm not making a zombie movie."

Quickly, I thought of a response, so not to kicked off the set.

"Wardrobe malfunction. One the ladies just got done doing a zombie flick and got the wrong make-up on me.  Don't worry, they've put me in charge of the donuts, so not to throw anyone off in the film."

And John loves his donuts.

"What's yer name?" He asked.

I hadn't told the truth so far, why start now?

"My name's.... Phillip. Yeah. That's it. Phillip."  (A name I had used to write for a college paper in Cali.)


"Well, Phillip, you keep these donuts fresh and I'll love you forever."

And I did just that.

John and I swapped stories about our love for movies, donuts and Hunter S. Thompson.  Then, the AD came over and it was back to work.  I did my best to make sure the donuts didn't get any bugs or sand on them.

And if you've ever been to New Mexico itz a tricky thing to do.


Once they got done wrapping for the day, I gathered my things and kept moving along.  Before I left, John spotted me and came over.

"Hey, Phillip!"

"Yes, Mr. Carpenter?"

"You leaving us?"

"Yes.  Gotta a call from Australia. Said Keanu Reeves is making some sci-fi movie called "The Matrix" and Keanu needs his donuts."

John understood, having worked in the movie business for years.  He seemed a little saddened that I was leaving and bid me a fond farewell.

Over a decade later, I met John again at the Texas Frightmare Weekend Horror Convention. I brought a VHS copy of "Vampires" with me for him to sign.

After waiting in line, John didn't recognize me.  He had grown older and had already signed copies for hundreds of fans and had seen plenty of people dressed as zombies... posers.


He scribbled something on my copy of "Vampires", posed for a pic and then was on to the next fan.

I wasn't sure John remembered me or the donuts I kept fresh for the day.  But then, I read the inscription on the "Vampires" cover that he had written and almost wept.

It read: "To Phill. My lost love, forever and always. -John Carpenter."

Needless to say, this old zombie's heart started to beat for a second.  Even if John didn't say much, the man wrote a few words that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

Thanks, John. Next time, I'll bring some donuts.

-HSZ

The Real Bub

The idea was inspired by George Romero’s “Day of the Dead”, where an underground team of scientists were able to take zombies and teach them how to be ‘human’ again.

In the film, the patient’s name was Bub and he showed the most promise that humans infected with the Zombie Virus were not completely lost.  This conjured a debate that has never been settled: Are Zombies worth saving?

I’m here to tell you, they just might be.

In a lab not far from the American/Mexican Border, a small group of scientists, two guys to be exact, have taken one Zombie and conducted a series of tests to see if “all hope is lost once a human is infected.”

Bub started out ravenous and wild, like most zombies.  The scientists did what they could to calm him.  They used sedatives, tranquilizers, even fed Bub a few cats to see if that would calm his rage, but nothing seemed to work.

It was looking pretty grim for this small team and Bub was going to be put out of his misery if progress continued to decline.

Then, a light of hope came.  One of the scientists read my blog post; “How Marijuana Saved This Zombie” and became inspired.  They began feeding Bub large amounts of Cannabis and saw a dramatic change.
Bub was approachable, calm and, above all, safe.  The scientists began running a series of tests to see how much Bub could learn.

I’m happy to say that Bub is excelling and is now learning how to use an everyday, household computer.  Currently, his “extra electrical brain activity” make him great at clicking a mouse, due to the nerves constantly twitching in his fingers.

Bub recently learned how to play the game Solitaire and has even been able to beat his own score, which was around 15 at the time.

With this discovery, scientists may be one step closer in finding a cure for the Zombie Virus, or just a way to get us to quit eating people.  Until more news surfaces, I’ll be here to report the truth.

 

(Me and Bub on walk, just outside the lab.  He couldn't wait to get to McDonald's. )

-HSZ

Darabont's "Walking Dead" Curves Comic

As you know, I am one that believes in sticking by the book.  Frank Darabont's television version of "The Walking Dead" has been a phenomenal success and has done just that. 

Cast and Crew were quoted as using the graphic novel as a storyboard, taking stills from the book.  The sets and characters looked like they jumped straight off the page and the first episode of the series was dead on.



But Darabont took a different turn in episode 2, and added new characters, with some original ones, and situations that were not revealed until later in the comic book series.

Why this new turn for loyal readers?

Some believe that he’s just doing this so we can sacrifice a few folks for the good of the story and bigger characters.  I’m sure watching Glenn and Rick just run past a buncha “walkers” isn’t as exciting as watching a racist be chained to a roof, left for dead.

Due to the intensity and fine acting and directing, I’m riding the ride that Darabont is taking us on.  He may be adding things along the way, but, so far, the story stays true.

-HSZ

California’s Prop 19 Stumped by Zombies

Earlier this year, Gov. Schwarzenegger put into initiative SB1449 that placed marijuana offenses to a civil infraction rather than a criminal misdemeanor, but it did nothing to help the passing of Prop 19.

Prop 19, which would legalize marijuana in the great state of California, was not passed by 614,316 votes, according to www.Ballotpedia.org.

What most reports won’t tell you is that those 614.316 votes were made by zombies.

Now, it’s nothing new to have the dead as registered voters.  Many states have fallen victim to some Shady Politician’s scheme; cases in Kansas, Missouri and other such states have been noted.

Most of the time, the Shady Politician would use the dead person’s name, then vote for them by mail or online.

This time, they got even craftier and used members of the UnDead to go into voter’s booth and cast the votes for them.  Here’s a group they gathered from Bakersfield, CA.
 

Yes, that is ME in the picture.  They told us all that they were leading us to piles of free KFC.  Hey, I was in Cali. I was high.

They gathered hordes of Zombies from all across the state and shoved them into voting booths to make sure Prop 19 didn’t pass.

What really surprised me though was not the Shady Politicians, but the Shady California Pot Growers.

According to David Von Drehle’s article in TIME magazine, California Pot Growers helped fund the campaign to get Prop. 19 denied.

Hey, they’re making billions of dollars, why screw that up?

It appears that greed is the true source for this “Zombie Mistreatment” and California must now find a new way to get out of the horrid situation they are in.

Nice try, Arnold, but it looks like you’re going to need to get some of the Rich Shady People on your side next time.

And there will be a next time.


-HSZ

The Desperate Housewives of OrangeCounty/NewYorkCity/NewJersey/DC/Atlanta/ButtFuckMontana ARE ALL ZOMBIES!

After examining hours of footage, by force, I have come to the conclusion that ALL the "Desperate Housewives" are infected with the zombie virus.

I had only suspicions at first when I was presented with the women that make up the different shows in the series.  Some of the wives are far more along with their infection, showing more obvious signs.  I obtained a few photos as proof that these wives are carrying the Zombie Virus.

I believe this one is named "Danielle" and as you can see she clearly is suffering from the virus.  Her nose and lips have begun to undergo the initial stage of decay, swelling and parts of the body appear disfigured, soon she will attract insects as her intestines start to eat themselves.

If this one isn't a decaying corpse, I don't know what is, and I'M A DECAYING CORPSE.

Her body is clearly eating away at itself while her skull and skeletal structure are living proof that she is suffering from the Zombie Virus.  As her lips become thinner, her teeth will begin to stick out further as she will grow hungry for human flesh.

This Housewife, "Ramona" is showing more of the aggressive side of the virus.  Her eyes tend to pop out of her head when she becomes angry, flaring her nostrils and exposing her teeth.  "Ramona's" anger episodes will only grow worse as her skin begins to deteriorate off her face.

This picture speaks for itself. She has also come out with a musical "song" that sounded similar to monstrous screeching.


So, as more proof surfaces I'll be here to lay out the truth.  People can only watch and wait as, soon, all the Housewives will grow rabid and eat each other.


-HSZ