This year I was looking for Zombie Christmas Stories and even came across a few books, filled with stories of the UnDead during this holiday season.  Even a Zombie Christmas cartoon, not very long but still good.

With all these zombie Christmas Stories I decided to write one of my own:

A Zombie before Christmas

By Hunter S. Zombie


T’was the night before Christmas and on the east side of town
Hunter S. Zombie was drunk and feeling a little down

I hadn’t won a Pulitzer and had no publishing deal
I was running low on weed and needed a tasty meal

As I sat to write a story, that would be, oh, so grand,
I was interrupted by…
A jolly, red, fat man?

“Why so glum?” The short Elf questioned.
“Yer trespassin’.” I said, reaching for my Smith and Wesson.

“I am Santa. “ He said.  "I mean you no harm.”
I cocked my pistol and replied, “I do! Now, leave before I rip your arm.”

He smoked his pipe and laughed, “What troubles you, Hunter?”
I lowered my pistol and sighed, “It’s been over a year and I still don’t have a publisher.”

“With this, I can help.” The happy Santa soothed.
It was then that I smelled his pipe and realized Santa was a cool, old dude.

“Smoke this.” He said, pulling the pipe from his mouth.
“It’s Blueberry Kush and It will keep you from going south.”

At first, I was hesitant, I didn’t want to jump right in.
Mainly because I didn’t know where Santa’s mouth had been.

I pulled the green from his pipe and stuffed it in my own.
With just a few puffs, This zombie was stoned.

“Your fears and worry will disappear.” Santa said.
Smiling with eyes so bloodshot red.

“How does this help me get published?”
I greedily asked.
“It won’t,” He said.
“But in a few minutes, you won’t give a rat’s ass.”

As I felt the herb start to take hold,
I dreamed of putting Santa in a grave, so very dark and so very cold.

“I should eat you, ya’ fat bastard!” I angrily snapped.
“I need an editor or an agent!”
But Santa just laughed.

“Don’t be discouraged, You’re doing your best.
Even Stephen King got a thousand ‘No’s’ before he got a ‘Yes.’”

He smiled at me with cheeks so red.
I snarled and snapped, pumping Santa full of lead.

I pulled the trigger, Till the chamber was empty
But he was still standing, still fat and still happy.

“You can’t kill me, Hunter.” Santa said without need.
“I’ve been UnDead for years, And now I have to leave.

“I must deliver presents for all the good children tonight.”
He turned to take off, but I kept him in sight.

I grabbed his thick coat and shoved him to the floor
“You’re not gypping me, You jezebel whore!”

I took his warm coat, his boots and his hat.
“Welcome to the Hood, Santa. You just got jacked.”

I threw him into the fireplace, and closed the metal gate.
Searing his chestnuts and changing his faith.

Santa bolted like a rocket, flying out the chimney.
“Next time bring a three-book contract when you come to see me!”

I sat back at my desk, Half baked and undead.
With a single thought, roaming in my head,

“If Christmas is a time for giving, Then Santa’s a cheap fuck.”
I put his clothes up on ebay, hoping to make a buck.

So this Christmas, as my manuscript collects dust,
I’ll think of Santa and how I should’ve eaten his guts.


Merry Fuckin’ Christmas!
-HSZ

Is Jesus a Zombie?

I see this a lot  and not just because I'm a zombie.

Practically every Zombie Walk on the planet always has, at least, one Zombie Jesus walking amongst the UnDead.  He staggers with his crown of thorns, limbing and bleeding as he makes his way across the street.

At first, it just seemed like a joke, but I have heard various arguments from zombie fans that Jesus Christ is a Zombie.

Now, Zombie Jesus is as regular as the regular Jesus, even spawning his own holiday (Easter. Get it?) and a website where you can buy Zombie Jesus greeting cards and t-shirts.

Well, I'm here to set the record straight and tell all of you that JESUS IS NOT A ZOMBIE... technically.
Allow me to explain.

By definition, thanks to Dictionary.com, a ZOMBIE is:

a.  the body of a dead person given the semblance of life,but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.

When Jesus Christ rose from the dead he didn't start eating people's flesh and brains.  Nor did he fulfill the evil commands of Bela Lugosi at his sugar cane plantation.

The contemporary definition of a Zombie does not completely fit Jesus Christ.  Whenever someone says, "Jesus Christ", you're probably thinking of this guy:

Nice, kind and easy going fella.  He liked to walk on water, preach the word of God and give people fish.  Never, in any testament, does it say that Jesus Christ started eating people.  I won't even get into the whole "blood/wine" business because they ate bread and wine, not flesh and blood, it was a metaphor. That's all.

Jesus Christ rose from the dead, shared a few words, then disappeared to join God in Heaven.  He never ravaged the townsfolk, stuffing their entrails into his decaying mouth.  He showed up, after death, with a couple of angels and said, "Peace be with you." and breathed the Holy Spirit unto his followers. (John 20:19-23)

So, by true definition, Jesus Christ is not a Zombie. Never has been, never will be.  If you are a true zombie fan and know your zombies then you know that Jesus only fits into the zombie genre as a joke and nothing more.


Sorry, kids, but there is no Zombie Jesus.

-HSZ

All Politicians are Zombies

(ever wonder how a black man could be so pale? yep, he's a zombie.)

It's nothing new to the good public that many dead figures are working in our government today, it's one of the main reasons nothing gets done.  While people still choose to believe that these shady folks are just "regular people", believe me, they sold their soul to politics a long time ago.

It stared back with good old Franklin Roosevelt who led the US through the time of The Great Depression and WWII.   The man was forging the country ahead in a time of great peril, during which, he was stricken with "polio" and he secretly hid his condition from the country.

What FDR was really suffering from was the Zombie Virus.  Even with infection, FDR went on to become one of the countries greatest presidents. Not only did FDR live longer, he served so many terms as President that Uncle Sam had to put a limit on it and hide FDR from the public as not to draw suspicion.
Now, any political official that wants a job in any aspect of government must become infected.  The government thinks they have a controlled strain, but it's breaking down.

Just take a look :









So for those of you who battle over which candidate is better for office, it doesn't matter because they're all gonna end up zombies.  You can protest, write letters to the White House, complain until you go hoarse, but it won't do a bit of good.

This is their system and when it collapses they're going to turn on every man, woman and child alive.  Hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband 'cuz they eatin' everybody.



-HSZ

Santa is a Zombie

("Zombie Santa' by Randy Green)

People say he the merriest soul alive.  (That is, if he's alive.)

Santa Claus has been known throughout history as the magical elf that lives at the North Pole and gives presents to all the children, in the world, once every year.

What people don't know is that Santa Claus is a Zombie.

It wasn't right away.  Santa was a jolly, old man, giving gifts since the 17th Century.  But near the arc of the Industrial Age, Santa had been running ragged with new and better ways of getting things done.  This new age of machines brought rage to the worker elves who were demanding better wages and equality.  Not to mention that they wanted to relocate the workshop to a more "family friendly" area.

Santa was weighed down and the world was demanding he keep up with supply. Poor Santa needed an answer, so Uncle Sam lent a hand and injected Santa with the Zombie Virus.




Zombie Santa was immediately sent to the North Pole where he infected the entire workshop of elves, and reindeer, within minutes.  With their electrical activity still being present in the brain, and having nothing to eat, the Zombie Elves slaved away without another word of protest and Santa met the world's toy demands.



Think about it, folks? He lives in an isolated area that NO ONE has ever found, it's location is at the North Pole that suffers freezing temperatures only a corpse could stand and he does the same job, over and over again, year after year.

Hate to piss on your fruitcake, but that fat guy breaking into your house ain't a jolly elf, he's a zombie.  Stay in bed and don't try to catch him, just let him drop off the Chinese-plastic-crap, wrapped in pretty paper and go on with his job.

The only thing I think you can do to insure more gifts is to ditch the milk and cookies and leave a fat, chubby baby instead.




-HSZ

A quick thought about TIME

TIME magazine recently published an article by Andrew Ferguson, about marijuana legalization in the US.  It mainly focused on the state of Colorado, interviewing shop owners, doctors and patients, and how legalizing marijuana in the US is no easy task.

It debated about health issues, some say it causes cancer while others say it fights it, but what I found interesting was that the article had nothing on how marijuana can benefit zombies.

I know that they’re working on humans and all that jazz, but if people saw how marijuana could save you from eating your best friend they would immediately demand funding.

I’ve heard countless cries about legalization and how Obama hasn’t held his promise to do so. (He’s a politician. Politicians lie.) But any pot smoker knows that legalization doesn’t happen overnight and Uncle Sam has a lot of fiction in his head about good old Mary Jane.  I call it, “The Refer Madness State of Mind”.

The good people are fed lies daily and, unfortunately, back in those days you believed everything you heard.
 
If it was on the TV it was true and that’s all people needed.  Remember,  how healthy cigarettes were? If some guy in a white coat told you that smoking marijuana would turn you into a monster, raping and killing for weed, you’d believe it just because it was on TV.

Other people think of drug users as addicts, plain and simple, all grouped together and nothing will change their mind.

There are a couple of generations that will have to be hit over the head, and even then, you still might not get anywhere.  You can beat someone with the truth till their brains spill out and they still won’t listen.

So while some states legalize it for medical purposes, and financial, other states are demeaning the practice by keeping it illegal, Texas went even so far as to try and outlaw bongs, but Texas has always done things “The Texas Way”.

I am certain that full federal legalization of marijuana will be seen in my lifetime, and being a zombie that could be hundreds to thousands of years, but, until then, people who aren’t smoking marijuana will forever live in fear of being infected by The Zombie Virus.

-HSZ

S. Korea has Zombies

North and South Korea are at it again. (not that they ever quit)

Earlier this month N. Korea lead a military attack on a small island in S. Korea because it was "part of the reclusive country's ongoing efforts to use its military might and nuclear program to squeeze diplomatic and economic concessions out of Seoul and Washington," according to a report in the National Journal by Yochi J. Dreazen.

But we all know that's just another pack of lies their trying to force feed us.

N. Korea attacked the small S. Korean island of Yeonpyeong because S.Korea was using the island to breed zombies.

N. Korea has been in the news a lot lately.  Mainly due to their nuclear weapons processing and this guy:

S. Korea didn't have many options, what with their northern brothers busting out the nuclear bombs like they were sugar cakes.  So good old Uncle Sam lent a sneaky hand, since a good number of soldiers are living in S. Korea, and gave the good people of S. Korea an advantage, The Zombie Virus.

S. Korea immediately began testing the virus on random citizens, or "volunteers" as they like to call them, and started producing a small army that would attack the North and viciously reduce the enemy to nothing but a horde of greedy, undead monsters.

Zombies are nothing new to the friends of the Far East.  Historical documentation puts zombies in the Philippines and Korea is just a hop, skip, and a  jump away from there.  However, back in those days zombies were seen as nothing but a terminal threat that had to be eliminated.

Now, zombies are used for everything from slave labor to household pets.

I was able to get a quick pic from the island before it was attacked by N. Korea.  Here was the snapshot from a video surveillance camera before it was destroyed by the blast.

Imagine this frightful bunch at your doorstep on Halloween and I got news for ya', they don't want candy.
While the North and South duke it out with "military weapons", we all know that one day the entire area will become a breeding ground for the undead. 

To those of you planning any vacations this year, and don't want to become a zombie, I'd recommend Las Vegas over the Far East.  At least in Vegas, zombies are fed well and trained to just sit at nickel slots and bitch about the drink lady that never comes back.


-HSZ

Why I don't post more often...

I'd like to take this moment to thank you, the readers, for your comments and support for my little blog.

One of the most common questions I get asked, other than what theme I'm using, which is Vigilance by The Theme Foundry,  is;  "Why don't you post more often?"

Well, being a walking corpse has it's disadvantages.

For one, my thumbs keep breaking off after I hit the space bar too many times.

Do you know how hard it is to sew on a thumb when you've got NO thumbs?  It's not easy, my friends.  Not easy at all.

Which brings me to another disadvantage of being a zombie, no one will give me health insurance.   I've been denied by every insurance company you can imagine, due to my "pre-existing condition".    Uncle Blue Shield just laughs at me when I fill out an application.

Plus, I received some good news just last month.  I was called by a small production company in LA to write a spec script for a new horror film their working on.  They love my writing and asked if I could take their idea and turn it into a full feature script.

I immediately took the job, forgetting that I was working on my own project of getting my book published.  I'll post more about that in a later blog.

So you can imagine why I am not able to give you more zombies news everyday, because, believe me, I would.  However, I have to pay the bills and this little blog doesn't give me any financial means.  I had to take a job as an "Alcohol Dealer", some call it a bartender, so I could keep the lights on and afford my medicine.

I thank you all, again, for taking the time to read my posts and if you keep reading them, I'll keep writing them.  And thatz a Zombie Promise you can take to the bank!


(Zombie Promises have no actual monetary value)


-HSZ

Me and John Carpenter

The year was 1996 and I was making my way through New Mexico when I happened to stumble across a film crew shooting a film called, "Vampires".

I had met with one of the grips who asked me to watch the Buffet table while he went and grabbed, and I'm quoting here, "a pancake and a butt-plug."  I believe them to be grip references that I know nothing about.  However, it did make me wonder what kind of movie these folks were shooting.

As I sat, guarding the donuts and fruit display, I saw James Woods tied to a cross with a group of Vampires gathering around him.  The "Head Vampire" lured closer when, suddenly, a loud scream shouted, "CUT!"

It was John Carpenter.

He directed the "Head Vampire", who I now know to be Michael Ian Griffith, to attack James a certain way, while trying to grab some fancy cross that was put up next to James.

As the crew broke for ten minutes to set up the next shot, John came over to the table for a donut.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked, looking me up and down. "I'm not making a zombie movie."

Quickly, I thought of a response, so not to kicked off the set.

"Wardrobe malfunction. One the ladies just got done doing a zombie flick and got the wrong make-up on me.  Don't worry, they've put me in charge of the donuts, so not to throw anyone off in the film."

And John loves his donuts.

"What's yer name?" He asked.

I hadn't told the truth so far, why start now?

"My name's.... Phillip. Yeah. That's it. Phillip."  (A name I had used to write for a college paper in Cali.)


"Well, Phillip, you keep these donuts fresh and I'll love you forever."

And I did just that.

John and I swapped stories about our love for movies, donuts and Hunter S. Thompson.  Then, the AD came over and it was back to work.  I did my best to make sure the donuts didn't get any bugs or sand on them.

And if you've ever been to New Mexico itz a tricky thing to do.


Once they got done wrapping for the day, I gathered my things and kept moving along.  Before I left, John spotted me and came over.

"Hey, Phillip!"

"Yes, Mr. Carpenter?"

"You leaving us?"

"Yes.  Gotta a call from Australia. Said Keanu Reeves is making some sci-fi movie called "The Matrix" and Keanu needs his donuts."

John understood, having worked in the movie business for years.  He seemed a little saddened that I was leaving and bid me a fond farewell.

Over a decade later, I met John again at the Texas Frightmare Weekend Horror Convention. I brought a VHS copy of "Vampires" with me for him to sign.

After waiting in line, John didn't recognize me.  He had grown older and had already signed copies for hundreds of fans and had seen plenty of people dressed as zombies... posers.


He scribbled something on my copy of "Vampires", posed for a pic and then was on to the next fan.

I wasn't sure John remembered me or the donuts I kept fresh for the day.  But then, I read the inscription on the "Vampires" cover that he had written and almost wept.

It read: "To Phill. My lost love, forever and always. -John Carpenter."

Needless to say, this old zombie's heart started to beat for a second.  Even if John didn't say much, the man wrote a few words that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

Thanks, John. Next time, I'll bring some donuts.

-HSZ

The Real Bub

The idea was inspired by George Romero’s “Day of the Dead”, where an underground team of scientists were able to take zombies and teach them how to be ‘human’ again.

In the film, the patient’s name was Bub and he showed the most promise that humans infected with the Zombie Virus were not completely lost.  This conjured a debate that has never been settled: Are Zombies worth saving?

I’m here to tell you, they just might be.

In a lab not far from the American/Mexican Border, a small group of scientists, two guys to be exact, have taken one Zombie and conducted a series of tests to see if “all hope is lost once a human is infected.”

Bub started out ravenous and wild, like most zombies.  The scientists did what they could to calm him.  They used sedatives, tranquilizers, even fed Bub a few cats to see if that would calm his rage, but nothing seemed to work.

It was looking pretty grim for this small team and Bub was going to be put out of his misery if progress continued to decline.

Then, a light of hope came.  One of the scientists read my blog post; “How Marijuana Saved This Zombie” and became inspired.  They began feeding Bub large amounts of Cannabis and saw a dramatic change.
Bub was approachable, calm and, above all, safe.  The scientists began running a series of tests to see how much Bub could learn.

I’m happy to say that Bub is excelling and is now learning how to use an everyday, household computer.  Currently, his “extra electrical brain activity” make him great at clicking a mouse, due to the nerves constantly twitching in his fingers.

Bub recently learned how to play the game Solitaire and has even been able to beat his own score, which was around 15 at the time.

With this discovery, scientists may be one step closer in finding a cure for the Zombie Virus, or just a way to get us to quit eating people.  Until more news surfaces, I’ll be here to report the truth.

 

(Me and Bub on walk, just outside the lab.  He couldn't wait to get to McDonald's. )

-HSZ

Darabont's "Walking Dead" Curves Comic

As you know, I am one that believes in sticking by the book.  Frank Darabont's television version of "The Walking Dead" has been a phenomenal success and has done just that. 

Cast and Crew were quoted as using the graphic novel as a storyboard, taking stills from the book.  The sets and characters looked like they jumped straight off the page and the first episode of the series was dead on.



But Darabont took a different turn in episode 2, and added new characters, with some original ones, and situations that were not revealed until later in the comic book series.

Why this new turn for loyal readers?

Some believe that he’s just doing this so we can sacrifice a few folks for the good of the story and bigger characters.  I’m sure watching Glenn and Rick just run past a buncha “walkers” isn’t as exciting as watching a racist be chained to a roof, left for dead.

Due to the intensity and fine acting and directing, I’m riding the ride that Darabont is taking us on.  He may be adding things along the way, but, so far, the story stays true.

-HSZ

California’s Prop 19 Stumped by Zombies

Earlier this year, Gov. Schwarzenegger put into initiative SB1449 that placed marijuana offenses to a civil infraction rather than a criminal misdemeanor, but it did nothing to help the passing of Prop 19.

Prop 19, which would legalize marijuana in the great state of California, was not passed by 614,316 votes, according to www.Ballotpedia.org.

What most reports won’t tell you is that those 614.316 votes were made by zombies.

Now, it’s nothing new to have the dead as registered voters.  Many states have fallen victim to some Shady Politician’s scheme; cases in Kansas, Missouri and other such states have been noted.

Most of the time, the Shady Politician would use the dead person’s name, then vote for them by mail or online.

This time, they got even craftier and used members of the UnDead to go into voter’s booth and cast the votes for them.  Here’s a group they gathered from Bakersfield, CA.
 

Yes, that is ME in the picture.  They told us all that they were leading us to piles of free KFC.  Hey, I was in Cali. I was high.

They gathered hordes of Zombies from all across the state and shoved them into voting booths to make sure Prop 19 didn’t pass.

What really surprised me though was not the Shady Politicians, but the Shady California Pot Growers.

According to David Von Drehle’s article in TIME magazine, California Pot Growers helped fund the campaign to get Prop. 19 denied.

Hey, they’re making billions of dollars, why screw that up?

It appears that greed is the true source for this “Zombie Mistreatment” and California must now find a new way to get out of the horrid situation they are in.

Nice try, Arnold, but it looks like you’re going to need to get some of the Rich Shady People on your side next time.

And there will be a next time.


-HSZ

The Desperate Housewives of OrangeCounty/NewYorkCity/NewJersey/DC/Atlanta/ButtFuckMontana ARE ALL ZOMBIES!

After examining hours of footage, by force, I have come to the conclusion that ALL the "Desperate Housewives" are infected with the zombie virus.

I had only suspicions at first when I was presented with the women that make up the different shows in the series.  Some of the wives are far more along with their infection, showing more obvious signs.  I obtained a few photos as proof that these wives are carrying the Zombie Virus.

I believe this one is named "Danielle" and as you can see she clearly is suffering from the virus.  Her nose and lips have begun to undergo the initial stage of decay, swelling and parts of the body appear disfigured, soon she will attract insects as her intestines start to eat themselves.

If this one isn't a decaying corpse, I don't know what is, and I'M A DECAYING CORPSE.

Her body is clearly eating away at itself while her skull and skeletal structure are living proof that she is suffering from the Zombie Virus.  As her lips become thinner, her teeth will begin to stick out further as she will grow hungry for human flesh.

This Housewife, "Ramona" is showing more of the aggressive side of the virus.  Her eyes tend to pop out of her head when she becomes angry, flaring her nostrils and exposing her teeth.  "Ramona's" anger episodes will only grow worse as her skin begins to deteriorate off her face.

This picture speaks for itself. She has also come out with a musical "song" that sounded similar to monstrous screeching.


So, as more proof surfaces I'll be here to lay out the truth.  People can only watch and wait as, soon, all the Housewives will grow rabid and eat each other.


-HSZ

The Walking Dead on AMC is Awesome

Friends, I have been privileged with getting a special screening of the new TV show on AMC, "The Walking Dead" and I'm here to tell you, it's AWESOME.

I first read about this years ago, and wasn't sure if Frank Darabont was going to be able to get the series made.  But, thanks to success of zombie movies, books and comics; The Walking Dead has risen.

Many of you folks may not be comic book readers and may not know that "The Walking Dead" was a praised, black and white comic book, created by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore.  The story details a small town sheriff that awakes from a coma only to find that the world has been overtaken by zombies.

Being a fan of the comic, I had high expectations for this series.  We all know how Hollywood can screw up a good story, just look at "Ghost Rider", but Frank Darabont is known for sticking to the story.  He fought with studios while making "The Mist" so he could keep the "not-so-happy" ending. 

I'm here to tell you that all those worries can be put aside.  Frank has brought "The Walking Dead" to life and, while there are a few story tweaks here and there, matches the original comic and really brings forth all the raw emotion, played well by Andrew Lincoln who portrays the small town sheriff, Rick Grimes.

So, to all my zombie friends out there, you're in for a treat on Halloween.  Sit down, tune in and get ready, cuz "The Walking Dead" will hold you in your seat.

-HSZ

Vampires VS Zombies VS Werewolves: The Debate Finally Settled

For years, I have heard countless debates about who would win in a battle between Vampires, Zombies and Werewolves.  The FVZA actually has information pertaining to this topic, but not clear on who the victor would be.

I recently got together with a few friends to have a "gathering of the minds" and finally put to rest who would win in this epic, yet fictional, war.

After reviewing countless films, comics and other such evidence, it has been decided that VAMPIRES would become victorious.

Before you click off the page, let me explain.

Being a zombie I, of course, sided with my zombie bretheren that they would ultimately win because they could infect the Vampire and Werewolf food supply.  Unfortunately, this plan would only prove supreme if zombies INFECTED EVERY LIVING CREATURE ON THE PLANET.  I'm talking EVERYTHING; humans, animals, reptiles, fish, etc.  The list goes on.

Now, any zombie plague moves rather rapidly, but humans still survive during this apocolaypse, thus supplying food for Vampires and Werewolves.  And if Vampires and Werewolves had gotten with today's technology they could easily clone blood, or other animals, and use that to feed on for centuries.

Zombies are not as quick as their Undead Vampire counterparts, thus being unable to fully beat the vampire race.  Think about it.  If 1 human can take out anywhere from 5-100 zombies, and vampires can kill up to 20 or more armed humans at one time, the Vampire holds a clear advantage over the Zombie.

What about the Werewolves? 

Well, Werewolves are strong, quick, immortal beasts that have been feuding with the vampires for ages, but Vampires have always come out on top.  The Vampire's main advantage over the Werewolf is their control and calculated thinking, which does seem to disappear from the Werewolf who uses more animal-like strengths to aid him in battle.

With a full functioning brain, Vampires could take over the Werewolves.

I hate taking sides and I usually don't, I still believe that the zombie race could still prove the victor, but until we start becoming more educated, the Vampires have one over on us.

-HSZ

Dr. Laura Carries Zombie Virus

As you may have heard, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the radio host of the Dr. Laura Show, went on the air and said "the N word" multiple times, trying to prove a point.

The point, whatever it was, stabbed Dr. Laura in the ass, causing her to loose her radio show. 

Many have asked several questions during this recent uproar, but it is obvious that Dr. Laura said "the N word" because she WANTED to loose her job due to her decaying condition that is caused by the Zombie Virus.

After the ordeal with Michael Richards at the comedy club, The Laugh Factory, it was very apparent that not a single white person could say "the N word" and not receive severe repercussions for it.  Radio and TV hosts were loosing their jobs if they made any racist remarks.

So why would Dr. Laura go on a rant that she knew would end her career?

It was so she could end her life in the spotlight for she could no longer cover up the fact that she was a walking corpse.

I'm sure you think Dr. Laura looks like this:

  

Seems nice for her age doesn't she? Did you know her age was 312?  This is the same pose, but without her "face":

She insisted on wearing the wig.

It is safe to say that the world will be a little bit better without Dr. Laura on the air, but if she has nothing to do a lot more chubby babies* are going to come up missing.

*It is scientifically noted that Dr. Laura loves to eat little, chubby babies.

-HSZ

Where I was

My first blog, www.hunterszombie.blog.com, is more or less, being abandoned due to the constant problems I've had with www.blog.com.

Due these continuous complications I've chosen to move to here to www.blogger.com.

To read my old posts, just click here.

Read such titles as:

The Day I met Romero

Zombie Harmony is a Lie

How Marijuana saved this Zombie

Zombies Can't Drive

Fast Zombies vs. Slow Zombies

Police are Zombies

Zombies Responsible for Gulf Oil Spill

and more.



-HSZ

Zombies Sunk the Titanic

(Current pics of the Titanic clearly show that Zombies were aboard the ship)

(The Zombified passengers had to claw their way out, leaving their decaying flesh behind)

The iceberg was only the tip of the... iceberg?

A latest report by the European newspaper, The Daily Telegraph, just uncovered the REAL reason the Titanic sunk back in 1912.  The story reads:

"Instead of steering Titanic safely round to the left of the iceberg, once it had been spotted dead ahead, the steersman, Robert Hitchins, had panicked and turned it the wrong way."

This caused the Titanic to hit the iceberg and sink to the bottom of the Atlantic.

But we all know we shouldn't believe everything we're told, which is why I have found recent pictures that clearly show the Titanic was sunk by zombies.

Alot of things were being carried on the Titanic, during it's voyage to the US, and one such thing was a dead body being sent overseas to be buried in America.  What they didn't know was that this body was infected with the Zombie Virus.

While steersman Robert Hitchins was having a drink for the night, sneaking a nightcap in the lower decks of the ship, he was attacked by this zombie and bitten.  Hitchins easily overtook the animated corpse and trapped him in cargo area.

Or so he thought.

Hitchins went back to his duties steering the ship as the Zombie Virus started to take hold of him.  When he saw the iceberg, his mind woozy, he steered the ship in the wrong direction, slamming the Titanic into the iceberg and sealing the fate of thousands.

Meanwhile, in the 3rd class passenger area, the Zombie on board attacked the lower-class passengers and caused a riot of fear as they were all being turned into zombies.

The Officers in charge heard the riot and quickly sealed off the 3rd class passenger area so to save the rest of the ship from infection, unaware that the ship was currently sinking.

This cover up has been held up for years, and I have found photos that prove zombies were aboard the Titanic as they have left pieces of their dying flesh all over the ship.

It is obvious to see that Zombies were the real reason the Titanic sunk and until either Government is willing to admit it, I'll keep you all informed of the truth.

-HSZ